Pull the Plug...

"Didi! It will be 72 hours today...."  my brother sounded perplexed over phone (rare situation) and paused before saying "we have made a decision" I controlled my tears, and tried not to sound choked and said "I am aware, I was hoping it doesn't come to this." Last four days were truly puzzling and deeply disturbing for me, I could barely remember getting a peaceful shut eye without an auditory help. 

My cousin, who is five years older to me, suffered Multiple Sclerosis, since 2004 (that's what I remember) and in theory we knew there is no cure for it. People just have to wait and watch. But, since it was not too bad, his life sailed by until now, that is 2022. Four days ago, he was taken to emergency care for his infection/fever that was not getting cured and three days ago, he was shifted on ventilator, for which as per given hospital guidelines, we had to make a decision, whether or not to pull the plug!

They say when one is about to die, life flashes in front of their eyes, I wonder if that is true for my cousin right now as well, because according to medical science, ventilator helps to keep you alive, when majority of the organ systems have given up. Although, my lifetime moments with my cousin surely flashed in front of me! Our families stayed in little less than a joint family arrangement, so I had lots of those in my memory banks! my fondest memories were he was afraid of dark, until he was well in his teens and I was not since I was a child; so he'd hold hand (showing off); only later I realized that he's afraid so he is holding hand while we cross darker lanes/electricity cuts happen.  When he grew little older, his friends became my elder brothers too (equally protective and possessive, but super caring) and they'd sort of keep an eye on me everywhere in the neighborhood. I still remember, I was barely 8-9 yrs old and VCRs were rented, so were the movie cassettes; he and his friends planned to chip in and watch movies over vacation. Apparently, there was a romantic scene where I would've been uncomfortable; so I was given instructions to not question forwarding the cassette when it is done, and I obliged the troop! Once a guy, who used to attend tuitions with me tried to behave inappropriately and I mentioned this to my mother. My cousin overheard this and brought this guy home and gave him an earful peace of mind, my aunt and my mother had to intervene before it became physical. 

Thinking all of these, I could barely sleep; another sleepless night. In the morning, I scrolled through messages in the hopes that he has recovered and being moved to regular room, but I guess I asked for too much. I found messages that they have not yet pulled the plug but need to make a decision. I got ready and before I started for office, I offered my usual prayers. Then I remembered the monologues (often in dramas/movies) people have with deities which usually work! I decided to have same. Tears flowing my eyes, I spoke in broken voice... I free my cousin from my end from my Rakhabandhan, on behalf of my aunt, I beg you to free him of the debts of son, I beg you to free him of societal debts.... you are God, you are capable of everything, can you please not put us in this situation of making this difficult decision and free him too? I guess, I did ask for too much that day, but I felt liberated. 

So many times, we hear the term, pull the plug; we rarely use it. In fact, for a longer time, I did not even know what it means for real, since I always heard it in terms of revealing the hard truths, and here was the hard truth..... My other cousins, my younger brother and someone else had to sign that form of pulling the plug. The agony, despair and the grief all were anyways following, but now they were intense as we made the decision. I did not know back then that life has more such lessons planned for me in future. 

I learned that decision to pull a real plug will never be an easy one; no matter how practical and cold one is; I still question myself for the times which followed, if I did it right or not; but as someone involved in decision of pulling the plug I learned to ignore everything else and rely on real time practicalities and logics (it hurts most times) to save the future despair! 

Looking back, none of the moments have been forgotten; I even remember the meals I had on each of the days while going through these times, conversations I made and I relive the moments when I have time, with the thoughts of learnings received as a part of bigger scheme of events. Today, I got reminded of the incidence as something happened and everything flashed back in front of my eyes.....to pull the plug of memories.....

Atya aaji

I usually sleep deep at least for 4 long hours through night…I wake up around 3:30-4 AM every morning, depending on how motivated I am feeling, I get up and study/exercise/meditate or simply fall asleep again and then wake up only past 7 AM. November 29^th morning was no different for me, I woke up around 3:45 and then fell asleep again by 5 AM. My sleep was disrupted at 7:30 AM when my mother called me. She was away at a family wedding and for past two days I was getting requests to video chat with this relative or that, and hence I was obviously annoyed by seeing the incoming call. Although in my sleep I thought maybe she’s going to be starting her travel for home today, so she’s just informing and it’ll be only a minute-long phone call so I decided to pick up. The call lasted only 45 seconds when she told me that Atya aaji (my great aunt from mother’s side) is no more…. I had always heard/read about the feeling of gasping, being nauseated or/and choking during shocking situations. There it was for me…….; I had a huge lump in my throat that was ready to come out, but it did not! I felt I was sinking in some deep dark hole and I have no outlet. I was/am deeply shattered at many levels as I received this news.

Unconditional love, support and caring words, are a few basics I’d miss her the most for. I remember during my childhood days when we (other a few cousins of mine) were playing, she identified that one of us pocketed a few marbles and gave a nice piece of her mind to all of us, explaining how being honest in life triumphs everything else and I have never forgotten it since then.

Aaji also signified the sole meaning of an entire city to us in those times; as I heard Bhopal, it always reminded me of her, her home, which had quite a vibe (yeah, that’s what I’d call it). Aaji’s household had a wholesome character by itself, a big verandah and garden, which had guava, mango and other trees, and a terrace with one room kitchen arrangement, which was often frequented by tenants, who also had really good relationship with the landlady and landlord. There were little strict rules around the house; being Indore residents, we were accustomed to use slang while we spoke Hindi, it was a “big no” at aaji’s house. Since Bhopal used to be center of lots of exams and training center for my mother’s office work, we frequented going there and majority of times, I’d silently observe what aai and aaji are doing (they were mostly talking). I figured, they mostly talked about people and incidences from past.

I remember getting impressed when I was told that Atya aaji frequented radio station in her times and has a melodious voice. My best memory of her being a singer dates back to times when I took music lessons at community center as 8 years old, and once, when I sang an entire SARGAM correctly, the music teacher patted my back and said “Sunanda chi naat aahes na, nakkich chhan gaat asnaar” [Of course you sing well, since you are Sunanda’s (Atya aaji’s name which I got to know first time) granddaughter]. Over the years, Atya aaji had mentioned several times, that I sing well and should not stop learning. She often mentioned while pursuing this matter that she did not get enough opportunity to pursue her passion of music, and she regretted it.

Years passed and Atya aaji and I started having direct conversations, she would ask me questions regarding studies, about how my exams went and etc, always in a concerned but non-judgmental way. Now when I look back, that’s something I want to do as well, be concerned about someone, and not judge them. I kept in touch with Atya aaji, after leaving the country as well, and whenever I visited India, I made a trip to Bhopal to meet her and rest of the family we have in Bhopal. Atya aaji opened a door of historical events for me, something I knew I’d neither experience, nor would ever know those events by myself. Atya aaji was pretty close to her sibling, who was my maternal grandfather. She spoke about him fondly and would tell me stories about his wedding to my grandmother. Atya aaji grew up in what my other cousins would term as really ancient times, and she had an intercaste marriage in those times, so, she has been always a cool one for many of my cousins. She was friends with some who’s who kind of people from her college days, and therefore carried pretty interesting stories about them as well. Speaking and chit chatting to her in my adulthood was therefore so much more interesting (because I could comprehend so much)!

Atya aaji was one of the people who acknowledged aging and would repeatedly say toward the end, I feel tired more often, I don’t feel like eating, I don’t sleep too much at nights. In the era, when I see myself surrounded by people, who prefer to not age by hiding these problems, Atya aaji was a constant and refreshing surprise!

Now, that it has almost been a quarter, she has moved onto a further and hopefully better journey, I am trying to collect the shattered pieces of that corner of my heart, tears rolling down my eyes and remembering her laughter…. I sometimes feel the I’d dial her residential phone line which she’d pick up and I’ll get to chit chat with her again, laugh a lot, and she’d request me to sing…. Alas!! Someone has said correctly, like sands in an hourglass, we'll measure our lives in memories of you.... Rest in peace aaji, rest in peace...

Good Bye

Recently I read a quote on social media, which said "If you are brave enough to say bye bye life will reward you with a new hello" I liked the quote so much that I ended up making it my status for a bit. 

It also made me think in retrospect; in a span of past two decades, I had to bid adieu quiet a number of times. Each time, I have to say a bye, to friends or family I am a huge disaster!! I  wonder how many times we all have said good byes; sometime easy, sometimes difficult ones; depending on how much involvement someone had in our lives, and how life still goes on saying new "hellos"

I remember saying first bye bye when we shifted home, when I was a fourth grader; even at that tender age, I knew I won't have this close knit neighbors, close friends who are family and that was so true!! In the bigger and brand new house, which was fairly distant from the older place (in those times 10 kilometers was a big distance, especially if you were underage to travel on your own) and kind of suburb; I remember cursing the builder for constructing house this far!! It took me over one year to build some rapport and have friends once again who were family to us, not to mention, older friends and neighbors still remained in close touch always. Now when I look back down those memories, I smile and cherish those days, things were certainly easier back then than they are right now; minus the bye byes; they are equally hard for me; rather they've become tougher. I pretty much remember all the bye byes I have said so far; each time we changed homes, I relocated for job/study; in India or in US. I distinctly  remember my last night before I flew from India to study abroad!! My close friends had come to say goodbye in the evening through night; one of them even stayed the entire night and we just kept chit chatting and shedding tears of joy and sorrow; she and I we both were happy on my admission into PhD, and we were both upset about me going all this far away that I didn't know when I'd get to see her the next. I told her not to come next day at the airport as I won't be able to hold up again and she kept her promise. I made a great number of friends, who I still am in touch with and we connect every now and then! 

I also remember after I finished my PhD program, I moved all the way from Ohio to Massachusetts, (driving a significant distance of ~850 miles). I were to drop a close friend to the airport a few days before my trip, we decided after she checks in, we'll hang out a bit at the airport and say a proper good bye! But I almost abandoned her at the airport; for, I didn't want to say a good bye to her. Later, when I had to leave, I decided to start at an early AM hour, since, I didn't want to meet people right before and cry, that was my defense back then; skip the goodbye to the place and the people; oh trust me, it didn't help much. The need for closure kept haunting me for weeks together! 

I moved back to India sometime ago, and it was extremely tough! Leaving the family I made by myself, who I'd have never known if I didn't come to this country; the very thought was killing me. I still wanted to let all the people know that they mean a lot, and organized a party a day before I moved; for all I felt back then and know now, it was a cathartic exercise for sure, but gave me a closure, that helped a lot. Since then I realized that avoiding good byes was never a good thing, ceremonious or not, there should be a proper good bye, merely a handshake, or hug/kiss, waive; whatever makes one feel genuine and authentic. We should certainly practice it, express the feelings to the loved ones, what they mean to us; it certainly is difficult, displays our vulnerability, I'd say it is yet fulfilling and satisfying experience. 

Good Byes are not ending things forever between people, they are mere expressions to let each other know, that we had a good run; you mean something to me, you've been part of my story of the life. Today, as I end this post, I am thankful to all those people who helped me saying goodbyes, and kept in touch forever.

Lost and Learned

Last night I was about to sleep at midnight after devouring a few episodes of a long time favorite web series and by habit checked my phone for emails; before I close my eyes; in case, I need to prioritize something for morning; of course, I checked my other social media accounts too, and found a school friend typing a million thank you(s) for her birthday on July 4th. I just typed "Go to sleep now" and  kept my phone down. Next minute my phone rang, thinking who this might be; I saw this was the Birthday girl; quite surprised I picked up and asked if everything is ok (pandemic times; right?). She politely mentioned she just put her younger son to sleep and now is able to return my call that I made earlier today. I said oh its ok, you should sleep now, but she wanted to talk. I told her how I missed the old times when we used to celebrate her birthday; we spoke for a couple minutes and hung up. After that (miraculously) I couldn't fall asleep....thinking about her birthdays we had celebrated together for over 10 years since school times. And the memory of one birthday is still perfectly engraved, as if it happened yesterday; usually I am not a person who'd remember minute details of the days, this one I still do!! I looked up the watch, it was almost 1 AM and still no sleep.... and suddenly I thought "there it is again!!" the July 5th; [ironic co-incidence is, this is year of pandemic year, plus it overlaps with a sacred Hindu festival (sort of) Gurupoornima; where we pay our tributes to our teachers for making us what we are today!! Usually, Gurupoornima for me is make some desert, make the offerings, pack it for friends, call teachers/mentors and spend day talking to them and usual work related activities. But since this is pandemic and July 5th, I am unable to come to terms with any of the ideas!] I remember this day to create a huge void in my life ever.... I lost my loving aunt on this day several years back ; and the memories of the morning of July 5 haunt me every single year so far! (And, as we all know by now, every emotion is amplified multitude of folds in the pandemic situation, and the sadness certainly tops the list for different reasons). It was really an early AM hour of July 5th when she breathed her last; I saw her going away from us; minute by minute, as I was staying in hospital with my cousins that night. I always wonder how life would have been (so different) if she was alive. My aunt was a perfectionist to the core. She won't really take up a task at all which she cannot complete with perfection; that included not just household; but, her job in telecom department, and raising her son as well. She was not just a jack of all the trades, but queen of the most! She was a great help for all her friends in the times of need, for they still don't stop praising her when they meet us anywhere!  (She just somehow left performing arts sort of untouched, I wonder why!)  She bore a bit of assertive, dominating (and yet feminine) personality. She treated me as her own daughter and always called me up (sometimes before my mother would) after my each exam to ask how did I write the exam, what I messed up. In case I ever delayed picking up the phone, she would ask that too; to ensure I was doing ok and also not wasting time doing something I shouldn't. She sometimes taunted me for not making perfectly round chapatis (bread), for leaving some pecks of dust uncleaned from the tabletop, for not keeping my clothes in correct orientation and folding; despite all these, I always kept her on the top tier of the respected and unsung heroes of my life; for she loved me as her own!! I miss her so much, I miss her making almost the first phone call on  my birthday (after we had one); making my favorite sweets; offering me extra jalebis for breakfast; instructing my mother over phone to cook me my favorite foods when I was throwing my PMS tantrums in my initial years of getting menses....and there's an everlasting list I can go on...

When a colleague cum friend had asked me last week, if we can host a lunch together for a student, on Sunday; I had approved with a nod, not considering the date; and so, I have to bag up my emotions, cook  a bit, hide my puffy eyes under a heavy layer of make-up and go for the lunch....  I did all of it today, As the day ends I watch the moon rising in the horizon, thanking all my teachers in life; I bow in front of the sky in the balcony and paid my tributes to my aunt as well; wishing she was here with me; to see me do decent;

Many times we don't realize what we have, crib about the relatives, often wonder why are they there in our lives, why do we or our parents have to be answerable to any of them! we just don't think while we crib about these things how different our lives would be if it these people didn't exist in our lives. Having lost a few of these, I now surely value relationships in general more; ensure to give them time, no matter what and try my best not to hurt them!
Lessons learned hard way for me; I hope it is not too late for all of us to learn without losing!

Pandemic, lock down and etc(=Uncertainty)

While having a conversation with family and friends over video call, I could sense a great deal of anxiety in their voices. I am the only Biologist, (not just by training, but also with a functional career) across most of my family and friends circles; and hence I have been getting this question a lot lately, What happens now? When will there be a medicine? When will there be a vaccine? I am truly amazed at overload of information, suddenly all of them have on different aspects of the virus world and the clinical trials; of course thanks to social media/news channels! This is when I started thinking, there has been pandemics in past; what is it that's making this one so different? And that's when it stuck me, over days of thinking, we have almost nothing to look forward to!!.... It is as if all of a sudden that we were informed that there's this virus, which follows respiratory tract path, and is deadly in nature, we need to follow social distancing to prevent an outbreak! Would we still have been this anxious if we were not under this lockdown to maintain the social distancing?  Fast life, career goals, appraisals, and promotions at work, fancy cooking for house parties, potluck dinners, gossiping for adults; and,  swimming, skating, riding,  Tai-Kwan-Do, karate, abacus, and other tuition/classes; for kids... everything just came to a halt all of a sudden.....eh!! Did I miss something from the list? (May be, I did, but these were the toppers). Suddenly we went from having an extremely tight schedule to almost no schedule; for we don't need to pack lunch for our respective spouses, kids; they all are engaged on different screens for a regular period of the day, but at the same time, they can work in their PJs, eat when they want. So, what is so different? I attribute my (not so Scientific) opinion to Uncertainty!! For our smoothly paced lives, where we always knew if we invested 10k a month for next 20 years, we'll get .........ks at the retirement, suddenly market fell and has shown that we might not get those many zeros; kids might not get admission letters to the "ever-desired/dreamed" places; we might not be able to visit our dream destinations we planned for our milestone birthdays this or even next year; some of my friends are stuck in India, and they are wondering when would they get a chance to go back to the land of opportunities and vice-versa. 
Oh, no no, no!! I don't plan on throwing those wise advises at you for overcoming the issues!! Rather, I just tried to understand why all of us are so much scared of uncertainty? I do remember a clear life path that I carved mentally for myself only after I turned sixteen, it did have plans A/B/C (Of-course that also had uncertainty factored in); but until I turned sixteen, I took everything as it came to me!! Uncertainty was a huge fun for me! I used to like surprises and instant changes! Until then I was uncertain on what would be the outcome, that included doing/not doing assignments; getting notes and punishments from school and parents; girlfriends; guy-friends; crushes and everything else!! We (in those times) didn't really worry about what will be the long term effect! Now, I am worried!! Is uncertainty (tagged with worries) a feeling; and come only with age? I worry about my investments, I worry about my family, in different parts of the world; I worry about people stuck in different places not being able to go home, I worry about parents worried for kids, I worry about people who don't have home and are uncertain if they'll get food tomorrow! In short, I worry too much!!
To sum up; this pandemic has brought us lot of uncertainty and lock down has given us huge windows of time to think about uncertainty (as apparent from my usual vague blog). Having an idea how small Coronavirus is in size bringing this great deal of uncertainty also worries me! I feel uncertain; do you feel too?

Little Champs

I am sure, several of you, including my friends are not going to like this post of mine. But, few forwarded text messages over messengers and Facebook posts have got me thinking and this is the only vent out! So, what is shaking in that pea sized brain of mine is what is the future of our little champs? A few of you have guessed correctly from my title itself, I am thinking about the celebratory stars of this era!! The sudden flood of reality television shows of "prime-time" and the cute, little participants of these reality shows are on the the central stage of my mind lately. I have this friend, whose child is suddenly on national television with best ever Bollywood dance moves. Out of the blues, I see my FB wall full of posts and inbox full of messages appealing the online votes for his child for making him star. I am surprised, he even messaged first requesting and then demanding,  "I know you are very busy, but please vote" those messages continued for over a week! I was surprised and kept thinking how would it matter? And why should I vote? Just because this is my friend's child? And what is the "advantage" for this child? All these questions took me long back in time, down the memory lane, where I was a teenager and by default all kids of my family friends were much younger than us, it was cute to watch them, hear them recite poems and act like their grade school teachers. However, after a point of time, when it became routine process, I stopped enjoying it, and they also eventually grew out of it. Now, as I turn TV on, I see at least ~20 kids performing per channel in several reality shows. I do appreciate talent in all of these kids, somewhere I feel we all as a society, are fueling the talent in an extremely unhealthy competition into idiot box, and getting nothing out of it (or may be little out of it; I hear every now or then that so n so singer/dancer was on that talent show; but such events are really rare), I do agree that it is a great platform to showcase their talent too, but can we please just showcase it and not make a competition of it? Like who's the best out of those six kids? I've seen my family cry when some of the good kids get eliminated and they cry. Certainly they are under tremendous pressure for what levels of competitions they face!! I've seen parents mourning on screen when their kids do not make it at entry or the last level, which certainly makes kids feel the worse!!  I am a believer of the idea that "if there is no competition, there's no progress", but what kind of competition is this? Does getting to sing as a professional playback singer or dance for a movie work as an ultimate goal? With all these on my mind, I have been wondering with question; "Are we making a good citizens for society? Am I the only one thinking that these kids with superfluous talents probably deserve less stress?"
Like other blogs that I write, this one is going to end open as well, open for your comments!! Just with a quote, when you compete with others, it makes you bitter, when you compete with yourself, it makes you better, So, let's make our little champs better; not bitter!!

Swear

I was recently sent an Indian stand up comedian clip over phone and enjoyed every bit of it and felt Indian stand up comedy has progressed exponentially over the period of time in last decade! The last stand up comedy show I remembered watching was Season 2 of Great Indian Laughter challenge; which was kind of fade compared to first season, as usual. Since the clip I was sent recently was on Youtube as well, I explored more of it and came across many other stand up comedians, discussing the relevant topics of the Indian society; however I was surprised at the frequency of the "F" word being used by all these people with a few differences (they used it in regional language; so not exempted); One of the people used this word close to 6-7 times in a three and half minutes clip. People who know me even a little bit, are aware of the fact that I usually don't prefer usage of such words in my presence. Of course, I am not an authority on everyone and I don't expect the world to follow my rule; however, the question that came to my mind is, has Indian youth become so immune to these words? I remember when I came to USA, back in 2007, I was accustomed to say word S***t for everything that went wrong; I mean, S**t! experiment didn't work; or S**t- S**t- S**t! chemical spill! What do I do?  Only until I came across Sarah, an undergrad then, who became a close friend and now;  she's soon to be an accomplished and compassionate practitioner, who told me that these words are bad words and shouldn't be used. We collectively made a rule that bad/swear words aren't allowed in lab, and we implemented it on everyone including our boss/mentor;  I followed the linguistic decorum of lab until I left the lab. May be it was the environment I was in Ohio, or whatever, I can probably count hearing (In real life) the word "F" on fingertips of one hand in six years! And I made a naive  mistake of believing that rest of the world follows same rule made by Sarah in the lab. I came to Northeast and realized the cultural difference in every sense, including liberty of using swear word in every possible way it could have been. We, fortunately have a bad habit jar in the lab, where we drop coins if we use swear words, just to minimize their usage. Someone working in corporate did tell me though, if I came to their office with an empty jar, I can make a month's salary out of it; not feeling guilty at all.
Now, this was just a background of my association with the swear words; the real brainstorming topic is, when and how these words entered the Indian social systems, where a stand up comedian can't finish a sentence without using these words multiple times and catch laughter! I know the homologous words in Indian languages are available, Ch****a being one of them, MC and BC versions of these words have been in use; and since these words are downmarket for our current Indian youth, they use "F"! Extent that I have experienced in real Indian life around me is like that's F""ing  awesome!; That's full of S**t!; F-F-F!! What do we do now?; Sometimes I hear combinations like that's F""ing S**t! I also heard a sadder version as "Aga Bai F" from a  Maharashtrian and was taken aback!!
I did ask several people why do you use these words? A simpler version of answer is we can't do anything, so it is F for Frustration! I did little research and figured educated people use swear words more commonly than uneducated ones! I have to agree to this as I was in an argument with an acquaintance and she mentioned, oh! What's wrong in it? and (she being from IIT), IIT students use it every so now and then!! (As if IITian standards are to be followed for words in trend!)  Or AIB roast; most likely Roadies too, or something where the Bollywood stars use these words left right and back! (I didn't watch any of AIB, but heard from ppl); Also I saw an interesting post on a friend's wall on facebook about AIB saying if Indians are not matured enough to tolerate language, they should re-think progressiveness of their minds, may be India is not yet ready to go places! Really? Using swear words is going to take anyone or the whole nation places? I wonder if MK Gandhi, Mother Teresa or Vivekanand used these words to go places!
These words don't make situation any better, rest assured; but do they give a satisfactory feeling to users? There are mixed indications that they do for the time being, but it doesn't last longer and to reinstate, they keep using the words again and again! It is more like eating cheetos or doritos, once you have them, you want to have more of them!
There was a time in life where saying the word "Yaar- Sala/ Macha (Tamil equivalent)" in front of the family members was pretty offensive and I remember my mom's/aunt's scolding eyes and now, entire generation is using these words without any fear; to be mature, to be progressive? Whyy?
As a child, we were all taught (anywhere across the world) that don't listen speak and see bad! In my opinion, all of us should try to stick to that, not to display our maturity to rest of the world, but to keep an innocent childhood teaching we got!

Disclaimer: Everything stated here is based on real life facts; I don't intend to hurt anyone's feelings!

Meghana's blog: Ghar ki Baat

Meghana's blog: Ghar ki Baat: !All the incidents of the post are real; I have just tried to put them together in a chronological order! It was more than two weeks when...

Normal Life?

"You never went out of my life; you never would....you were the one who made me feel I am different; I am girl/female/woman..... this is what I think when I think about him. He who tempered with my teenage emotions, my body and now I realize my soul too!!" Not a line from a romantic novel or drama or movie; this was said by a girl who was sexually harassed as a child on a TV series that highlights crimes in general. Apparently the criminal was a close family relative of the girl. Reminds me of Monsoon wedding where in the end Shefali took a step forward to reveal the sick mentality of the "uncle"; reminds me of myself; reminds me of my closest friends who have gone through the same. The blog is not about how to stop it, because; lets face the reality; such sick people are everywhere and cannot be salvaged from society. However, over the years of careful observations and the experiences shared by different people compelled me to
The blog is about what the people who get harassed went through; the mental state now and then. Now, I don't know how true is that but there comes a time point in life when you kind of go down the memory lane and try to think "what if this didn't happen?" And over a coffee and conversation, as a woman in her late thirties, a friend of mine shared a statement about how life would have been much more different if "that uncle" didn't happen; I'd have had more faith in myself; I'd have probably enjoyed the first kiss of my life than getting stressed over it; I'd have not seen all my prospective dates as jerks just wanting one thing from me (they actually didn't); I would have loved my husband more care-freely; I'd have been raising my daughter differently; Ever since that uncle happened; I couldn't even trust my own brother or father or closest cousins! When my son goes near my daughter I am little scared and stressed and I feel so guilty about this that I hate myself!
Real world problems with such situations are "The counselling doesn't help such situations; the professionals sometimes press wrong buttons to make you speak and you go into deeper mental trauma than recovering from it." as mentioned by a friend who took professional help in order to "lead a normal life"
So the question is for all the readers...can such people have a normal life after going through what all they have gone through??

Ghar ki Baat

!All the incidents of the post are real; I have just tried to put them together in a chronological order!

It was more than two weeks when Rohit committed suicide; Rohit, a PhD student at Hyderabad University committed suicide which has a long story which has some political facets to itself and I tried to stay away from all of it. However, it was brought back to my attention by someone on a laid back Saturday afternoon when we were just getting some spill over work done "I was listening to NPR and they were telling that you guys in India still exploit and beat the untouchables; is this true?" I was certainly taken aback and it took me a minute to think who are these untouchables my friend was talking about! Social media has been disappointing lately about all such things and this was no exception; I thought but still my eyes were blank; she mentioned "a guy committed suicide because he was ill-treated in college for being untouchable" "ohh yes! I also watched something like that through FB" another colleague said. Now I had two pairs of eyes sticking on me as my expression was transitioning from blank to understand if they were talking about Rohit! I was thinking how should I explain caste system, harijans and dalits to these people now!  However guess, I had a fifteen minutes session and it was over. (Needless to say how much I loathe NPR that day!)

The questions aren't always this serious and intimidating mostly they are query driven and hilarious for me and so far I have done great to manage such situations without looking down! But this one was something way too different than "survival into arranged marriages", "wearing bindis/dots/forehead tattoos", "having extravagant weddings" "cows on roads" "health insurance" and other related socioeconomical issues... So, I took a deep breath and thought for a minute, the "best way to explain caste system" I explained them the origin of caste system and mentioned that it has been vanished years ago, however the people from lower caste or the unprivileged ones still get advantage of their castes by claiming the "minority quota"  I had to tell them (rough numbers) statistics of reserved quota v/s general category and I could see wide open eyes and mouth;

Now, aim of writing this blog is not as much what I had to brainstorm impromptu to save the Indian ass (I felt accomplished though); it was the after thoughts that came to my mind; WHY does Indian media is so outrageously open to spread the story of our own country around? WHY can't we keep something like that within our home (country)?  And Rohit was just another thing that had occurred actually; Nirbhaya story as well had troubled NRIs; so many people asked me about the psyche of Indian men after watching that news and later the documentary! I am not pro rapists or pro caste system or anti-reservation; but it would have been good if ghar ki baat ghar me reh jaati!

Nirbhaya

So much has already written and said about her; starting from a sketchy daily news column to BBC now!! I still find myself sort of uncontrollable on the topic. My thoughts are scattered all over the place; I feel like someone (not excluding myself; something they showed in movie Indian or Wednesday where a common man decides to punish corrupted officers or terrorists) should just go and perform a castration on all rape suspects in jail immediately; or sometimes I just get depressed and feel nothing in agony. Each time I discuss the incidence of December, 2012 with anyone, I reach no conclusion and now after release of India's Daughter; I have accepted the fact, (with not a pinch, but a spoon of salt) that, in India if I want to stay safe, I dare not be "doing things" which might "provoke" "sane people" to "do me".  I used to be a dare-devil and less scared; more of a feminist and liberal; with a mentality of "tit for tat" in my college days which was only 12-15 years ago from now. And with my country's growing economy, well spread awareness, globalization, Westernization growing literacy and health consciousness rate, I have lost confidence to roam around safely in my very own city on well known streets where I grew up playing! The only question comes to mind is who's at fault? Government? Yes because system is designed for giving lots of "benefits of doubt" to suspects and plus system has its own flaws like everywhere and every time!! However if we look at the basis of problem; it is the mentality of not being scared of consequences and losing control over your senses! 

Independence Day

And its here again!!!  I thought in my head as I received a text message from one of my juniors in Dayton with a picture of Indian National flag wishing me "Happy Independence day" which turned out to be a precursor to several other similar texts I received later at Indian midnight time. I remembered the famous phrase "time and tides wait for none" while watching tides on a sunny day at a beach in Massachusetts, and revisited the proud moment of hoisting the Indian National flag with my other friend last year (being senior student of the community). With my eyes closed, I took a long walk down the memory lane....... Independence day.....  I was born and raised in a Hindu family and my dad's side of family was highly influenced by RSS so I was admitted to a school which governed by RSS. The strict rules of school didn't let me learn any Movie songs unless they were patriotic ones. If my parents turned radio on and sang along, I would shut their mouth with my little palm saying "those are bad songs, you should only listen to news and the patriotic songs" (Not to mention, when I see Kinder Garten kids dancing on Munni/Sheila and Fevicol; I don't appreciate it a whole lot and I feel the tremendous changes in the time, generation and thought processes in education system). So, until third grade I studied in that school where my roots were actually made fastidious for patriotism. The only minus of the school was Hindusim was taught to the core which was good and bad from different perspectives. Anyways! my schooling is not the focus of this blog, I wanted all of us to visit our memories and FEEL and virtually REVISIT the independence day again in older times. Since now a days in India also its not more than a holiday and people look forward to it as a holiday but not "celebrate" it. Yeah so let us go back and feel the chaos and fuss we used to make when our white uniforms weren't whitest and toughest if not starched and ironed well, black shoes weren't polished a day or two in advance! I can totally visualize the thrill of parade at school, still hear the three beats of drums, salutes and attention (by so called head boy of school). I remember the Anthem where we sung Victories from all different directions; I remember the national song where we sung glories to India as the whole. The only boring part to the whole program was speech by the chief guest since it was all same except "nth" number of years to Indian independence .....but, all of this from 7 AM until 1 PM. Followed by lunch served at school, not to forget that special packet containing two motichoor laddoos and bye bye!! Since until much later after my high school graduation, we didn't have luxury of satellite TV channels, me n entire family was found watching oldest patriotic Hindi movie broadcast on Doordarshan; DD metro also came much later. School days were soon over and in college, I used to crave to attend the 15th August programs.                                                            For a few years until we knew the teachers and management in school, we continued visiting but in few years I understood we were unwanted there, so stopped going. Last year on my constant pestering, president of Indian Students Association at my university agreed to hoist the flag and I am so much thankful to him for helping me revive my memories. I won't discuss what they do in India these days for Independence day since that is so painful to hear, watch and discuss for those who belong to my era.
                        I know most of my friends have growing kids and I want to request them, to sit, explain and re-live those moments with kids on Independence day, August 15th. The day which still makes me smile, tells me, "realize who you are, and be responsible everywhere you go", since when you do anything people don't see you as you, they see you as a citizen of India, which is far more deeper than spicy Indian curries, snake charming, Basmati rice and hot yoga! And with all of this I come to an open ended question, are we doing justice with our freedom? Are we really independent? Having witnessed the madness for McDonalds, craziness for American Corn,  and growing awareness about brand names among youngest members of my own family, a negative answer comes to my mind.  I know not being in India doesn't allow me to ask this question or even comment anything ; However I know for sure, those living there, aren't doing anything about it! I wish all of us Happy Independence Day! ~Peace

Saat chya aat gharaat: (In home by 7 PM)

Came across an interesting news @ BBC: "It took nearly a week of protests for Prime Minister Manmohan Singh to appear on TV pleading for calm and promising to make India safer for women." Really!! hard to believe that we are one of the few countries where women have been in ruling positions. This blog is not for discussing the political aspects of the incident, but the mentality of a common man or in my recent vocab "mango-person". What is cause and effect of such an incident on mango people? What do "we" do when we hear such things happening? So, different groups will show different reactions..1) chchchch!! Delhi has become so unsafe for everyone!; 2) Ruling Political party is not doing anything/ Too much of importance to the issue by opposing party!; 3) These bastards (oops!! sorry!) should be hanged after cutting their private parts out in public; 4) Media is making an unnecessary hoopla out of this whole thing; 5) Lets have a meeting and plan a protest march (Applicable if you "actively"belong to NGO/ political official)....and blahblahblah!! Trust me, over my 2 weeks recent India trip, I have come across all these options at different points of time, in different situations, and have also come across a sixth (largest) category of reaction who read the entire news calmly, sighed, folded the newspapers and move on but they keep thinking about this!!......I am guilty and accept that I belong to this sixth group! But, I have been thinking over this again and again.....and not finding a way out....(but, I am sure that I don't want to be a part of that protest group where I have seen guys whistling over a group of girls wearing low neck shirts (True story)! I don't want to be a part of media either who's overwhelmingly involved in caring about TRPs!) Social networking sites have their own to do business affairs with such incidents.....Anyways! I am not here to criticize what others are doing, but to share my peace of (existing) mind with people reading this blog! I strongly believe that the era never changed for women, be it India or any other country (don't forget the news of a woman getting raped at an airport by a cleaning staff member last year around same time in one of the leading countries); because we (the people) encourage women to participate equally in all parts of life but do not accept them completely! Now, by "accepting" I mean absorbing the fact that someone travelling alone on a bus after restricted hours is a human first and then a female.....and when we can not digest this fact, such incidents happen. We all need to change our gross thinking about someone being a male or a female and consider everyone as a human being to fight equally with bigger challenges of society like illiteracy and unemployment which are widespread in all countries.  If we can not digest this mere fact, we need to get back into ancient Hindu times where everyone (especially women) were forced to be home by 7 PM (or before it gets dark)......Although in modern times, that still doesn't guarantee prohibition of such incidents but it would definitely reduce the frequencies.
So, as usual I didn't think a lot before writing this one but I am sure it conveys the message hidden somewhere that more than tough punishments, entire society needs to think and decide if we are ready to "accept" women in real equal positions (and not equivalent positions) or we all should seriously think about getting back to Saat Chya Aat Gharaat!!
(PS: If you haven't watched this movie Saat Chya Aat Gharat in Marathi, I would highly recommend it). 

Woman as The high schooler's mom= Super Woman

The PG-13 content was being talked aloud in my lab the other day and I just shooed everybody indicating presence of a high school researcher in the room. He was just smiling and suddenly everyone looked at him and I apologized "Sorry!!! we keep forgetting your presence here" he shrugged it off saying ohh!! no worries, don't be sorry I am used to listening to "R" rated stuff in my school corridors....and now it was my turn to get shooed and awed.....I know this kid for a while now...... "Well....times are changing Meghana!!" I said to myself! and as a curious one, I just asked him "Ohh!! So do your parents know about it?" and he was stunned (probably....thinking I would tell his parents); He said "No, they don't, my dad is not too bothered but mom....aaah....yes...and I hope you won't tell her either!!" I assured him I won't.....but everyone's mom has been my center of attraction all the times.....be it my friends/family, I usually have more interactions with friends's moms rather than themselves..... So I asked him about his mom's job, schedule and whereabouts.

He did narrate them to me in a way that I am presenting as it is: " She wakes up at 5:30-6 and then regular house chores, making breakfast, waking up daddy, (with a sheepish smile: I don't know what else since I only wake up at 7), yelling at me to wake up and get ready, collect my homework, and then she drops me at school by 8:15. She comes back, dad has already left, she talks home to her family, makes sure everyone's fine, then she gets ready, goes to her part-time job, come back at 1:30-2; on the way back home, may be some little shopping, checking mails, etc. and then she comes to pick me up at 3. She has to wait in parking lot for close to 45 minutes-an our [and that sometimes annoys her a bit; but (sheepish smile again) I can't help it; I have to say bye-bye to all my friends, exchange gossips, and information on new games, music and sports before I leave for the day!!!(My eyes were widened enough by now)]; on our way back we exchange a little bit of things like how was your day kinds, which is mainly concentrated on my homework submissions, new homework or new activity and etc, its a short drive anyways! I like to eat a different snack each day, so she makes sure its ready by the time I change etc. I interrupted him and asked "then your dad comes from office and he helps you on your homework....right?" "No; he only helps me with physics or rarely with Maths" "Me:Kidding right? meaning your mom keeps track of what homework you have each day"....."Yes!! of course! he said I am not too organized when it comes to deadlines" 

wow!!! I  was in no spirits to hear the schedule after 6 PM....since it was going to make dinner, serve it, clean, dishes, prep for next morning, sit with child until he finishes homework..(sometimes 3 AM I was recently told by one of the moms)..and etc. 

This is the story of any school going kid here, whats so special about high schoolers? They need to prepare for their admissions into colleges/universities, they are supposed to get extra credentials onto their CVs and its obviously their parents's headache....they need to volunteer to hospitals, research labs, shadow doctors, you can easily find a mom around checking out all these things for the kids. 

This is not the end of the  story, moms sometimes get into conflicts with each other because their kids are same age groups and there are few positions into labs/hospitals/communities to volunteer....then that creates differences between society....and its nobody's fault in the end.....(I used to laugh over it until few days ago before I realized its just the fact everyone wants best pick for their kid)....

Now it was my turn to ask moms "why? and what makes you get into such a hectic schedule?" she just answered, "ohh! I just want my child becomes successful person and good human being one day." My sister answered "Who would do all of this if I don't do, your brother-in-law just reaches in time for Parent-Teacher Meeting and keeps murmuring all throughout, its just waste of time" My sister-in-law back in India has same answer "Your brother hardly views his progress reports and just signs them"

"I feel insecure sometimes when I look around highschoolers getting involved into activities they shouldn't, but then I take a deep breath and say to myself: he has my genes, and I have guided and advised him enough, I haven't forced my decisions onto him, he won't do any such things" answered my friend whom I had asked if she feels insecure in terms of involvement of kids into undesired activities!

Do high school daddies do something? I had asked one of them recently he jokingly had said "I am the Man, sperm donor; but later said, Meghana! I don't think I have Earthy patient enough to understand whats going on....forget handling things..... and that's why I keep telling you choose your husband wisely, don't find someone like me" he added with a big grin realizing it was an undesired advise....!!

I have nothing against the kids here nor against their dads (I haven't come across another species of them yet).....but with this blog (nowhere close to TV show high school mom), I want to salute all the moms in the world, and double salute the high school moms.....

We all have heard/watched superman movie/stories how he could do everything together....have we thought about these superwomen around us? Many of us have unsung heros in our lives, my friends who are moms, are close somewhere at top of my list!

India Against Corruption

First of all, please accept my sincere apologies for not being able to type in Hindi on my computer. So, the title is not new for anybody reading this blog, since its a movement these days everyone is joining; everywhere (social networking sites: Especially Facebook and Twitter) I can see at least one feed/hour about this particular topic. Question that came to my mind few days ago was Are we really against corruption? Are we ready to survive in a clean India without corruption? Both the answers that occurred to me were NO...and I thought why? No offense to any religious groups and feelings behind; but in order to uproot corruption, we first need to check on all the temples, mosques, gurudwaras and churches for how much they've been accumulating over years together since they were formed.
What does GOD do of all that money, Jewelry and etc. and where does this money come from? Answer is God is accepting bribe (really?).
Corruption is deeply rooted inside all of us for generations, a rare thing, I haven't observed here in United States as of yet. "God!! please if I get ....% marks, I would offer******* amount...." almost every student can be seen praying and BRIBING god like this over results season; "God! please grant me a grandson, I would offer you 56 bhogs in silver thali" and witnessed by me, this grand ma did keep her promise.....; "Get me out of this situation, I would offer a prasad of INR 5.25"..... and so on........we have dealings with God as if God really wants to have all this and wouldn't grant you what you deserve if you don't strike a deal!! Again, I am not pointing religious issues here, I am pointing out mentality we have grown over so many years. And walking along these roads, huge religious places have gathered tons of money with no taxes to be paid (many of the cases). Most of the places, this money is fathering dust in vaults of temples. Unfortunately, even thieves are scared of stealing God's money.... A rich person in India can offer a diamond crown to God's idol but would refrain spending equivalent amount over education and help of poor and unprivileged children. When Americans or Europeans come to India, they build educational institutes, or channelize money towards education, when we Indians go to America, Europe, we channelize our money towards temples. We think that if God accepts money for favors, than nothing is wrong in doing same thing, and this is how corruption is deeply rooted inside us. So, our religious ethics are corrupted and to add to this, we have transactional religions united in diversified India.....

Going back in ancient and over-glorified history of our Kalayuga, we can read about how bribing was sufficient to see off armies of different kingdoms and fighting was hardly essential to win the battles.
We still do not believe in theory that if each of us behaves morally, we can all rise together. And, we can not behave equally moral because we are not equal, we have a caste system which separates us from other people and hence everyone's ethics differ. More than1000 years ago we all Indians were belonging to same faith, now we are either Hindus, Sikhs, Jains, Buddhists, or what not!! We need to believe in equality, first by ourselves and then by society in order to behave morally. And we shouldn't forget, there is just one moral, to follow the best policy of"honesty". If we are honest to ourselves, we would never have to bribe anyone, including God and  we can rise much higher along the lines of education, civilization and thus enrich ourselves more to prevent our lasting heritage and culture.
On 65th year of independence,this blog is dedicated to incredible India, which has to prove credentials once again to the world, not to become a super power, but to be a peace loving and enriched nation by all means.
~ Peace
(Disclaimer:Author does not intend to point out any specific religion, region while mentioning donating money to temples).

EX

Last Friday I saw an interesting status posted by my youngest male cousin, it said "EX means:- thanks for the EXperience….our time has EXpired…..now EXit my life" there were some 5 likes on it; to everybody's knowledge and concern he wasn't really dating anybody so no one was really bothered to ask him anything....but it really agitated my thoughts......wow!! What a thought.....partly true.....except the last part which would have been really difficult for people in love.....so this post of mine is about relationships!! Since, I have a vast circle of friends and family which is spread worldwide now, I can be little pompous to discuss their EXperiences of EXpired relationships. 
So, when and why two people become Ex for each other in a relationship could be a matter of dispute and there can be several beginnings and reasons behind it which is not focus of this blog. I would rather concentrate on  life stories of respective Exs here in terms of how they handled it and if they were over or not!! Very few cases I saw were nervous break down ones. 
I remember one of my cousin's friends, who was academically bright and  an all rounder, attempted to commit  suicide bunch of times after his break up, who had to be sent to asylum because of neuronal imbalance (huh! thats what they did in India 20 years ago at least!)   and from my high school days I knew a person in neighborhood who committed suicide because of break up and her Ex trashed her....but thats it. Other than these few those can be counted on finger tips of one hand, I have not come across break downs/deaths because of Ex's....but wait!! I have just mentioned one kind of extent yet....and this takes me to "look upto" figures who were trashed by their Ex's and are now living successful lives. We all do realize at one point of time that nobody's life doesn't stop because a person is out of our respective lives. The how does one gets so much importance in life? It comes through feelings of love, trust, affection, sex and blahblahblah.........when one or more things are missing, love vaporizes and people become Ex for each other. Many years ago, I watched a Hindi movie "Taal" which ended up with a punchline from Grand ma of main lead who said "Don't fall, rise in love" and I absolutely loved it. I have known at least fifty people in my life who had their career path well defined, with clearer goals in life after they became "Ex" for someone. Many of them were in the intense relationships, some of them had live-in relationships as well. And, they did undergo a nervous  breakdown after break ups but only to re-connect with life, they did have suicidal thoughts but they realized and learned to live with broken heart!! How they did it and became almost over-achievers in life, is unrealistic and non-important to me as a person. But, how did they lived through being Exs was pretty intriguing. "On Sundays when I have nothing to do I do think about him, how different life would have been if he was with me, and at this moment what he might be doing? His wife might be serving him lunch on Sunday afternoon since that's the only time I  had decided with him to eat lunch together" says my 27 year old friend, (an HR manager at MNC with all possible awards she could get for her work from company, definitely overachiever for her age!!) after being in a relationship for 4 and a half years with her Ex. "I do think about evening coffees with him we used to have together after coming back from work, followed by a TV show, dinner and a walk together.  Now it feels weird to sit around same coffee table and love seat sometimes, when I know he might be doing same thing with his wife, because this was the way he loved to spend evenings" says my 34 years old friend, a "to be" member of board of directors at MNC who had a live-in with her boy friend for 3 good years. The apartment belongs to her and she doesn't want to sale it. "You can think how much work it took me to reach this professional position in fraction of time", she said and smiles to the idea of getting married to someone else. "If it had to work, it would have worked then and this way, I am too busy to think about someone else now!" and here comes the problem, Ex gave EXperience, EXpired relationship and took a physical EXit as well, but didn't make an emotional EXit and left other person with sleepless nights and sobs!!!
I won't talk about rules of relationships since they make relationships mechanical, and less emotional, but there has to be some set norms to prevent EXs undergo emotional trauma at times. There are no rules in relationships, but there have to be some for break ups to have a healthy emotional EXit from both sides....
I know just like my previous other blogs, there is an open ending to this one too, and I could really not think anything else after venting my thoughts on this issue out on everyone like this. I request everybody to suggest something for EXs to get a better personal life which is equivalent to professional one in order to have a good and healthy social structure!
Amen~

Story of a marriage

My mother suggested me to watch a daily soap on one of the Indian regional channels stating "I guess you'd like it"; but as usual I ignored her, thinking she has nothing better to do...and over past four and a half years me staying away from her has taught her not to force me on anything! Anyways.....My other friend who's a research student as well, also suggested me to watch but I had an excuse of being "just too busy for the daily soaps"; although we all know we eventually find time to do and follow things we want in life....a month later, her (patience was incredible), she asked me again, if I started watching that soap......and my answer was NO again. However this time she almost took a promise from me to watch it and I promised her I'll watch  asap!

So here we go, the name of soap is "Eka Lagnachi Doosri Goshta" didn't take me too long to search on youtube, and I saw the ratings are pretty high, lot of online viewers follow it. Anyways! I started watching it. Its actually pretty good.....The story revolved around two middle class families and both families possess an elite bachelor; a male and a female. Common line one might feel! Whats the big deal? Big deal begins when you can actually relate yourself so well to characters....Radha and Ghanashyam (Ghana) are the main characters and story revolves around their families. Both of them feel marriage is waste of energy, money and time; a common thought younger generation possesses along with idea that marriage is abandoning one's freedom. The families of both are pretty interesting and their up-bringing has obviously highly influenced by their family structures. Still, Ghana wants to go to States to pursue his career in IT field and Radha wants to stay with her dad forever through her life time. Since both of them are under peer pressure and have their focused and  well defined goals in lives, they decide to have a contract marriage. The way it has been shown is fun and entertainment. The story is running usual, they got married, avoiding sex as par their contract, trying to pretend to be a good couple and interacting normally with each others family members. The contract marriage concept is relatively newer and different for Marathi families but the family depicted here is an ideal one and a very next door kind-a family. We all viewers know that one day they're going to fall in love, and would stay happily ever after. What makes this story different then? Its the family members; Starting from Mauli (the worker at home who takes care of households), Kuhu (amateur poetess), Gyana (The serious and intelligent one), Ganga, Yami, Supriya Kaku,  Mayee Aaji, andUlka atya are highlights to mention a few, other than Ghanashyam and Radha! I like the serial because it has connected to many people together. While having a conversation with friends, it comes out comfortably ohh congratulations! Kuhu is getting married and etc. The Phrases and styles are incredible. The actors deserve best of everything. 
I do not have an appropriate conclusion about this post yet but I am sure my friends and family who watch this serial would suggest me something.
Peace~

memories in July

Back in 2003, I was half way through my MSc Biochem program and I joined National Institute of Virology, Pune as a summer trainee. My training lasted from May 15- June 30th and as it was approaching finish line, I started feeling very homesick. Although I was enjoying my super comfortable life at my uncle's place in Pune, there was something making me withdraw my attention and I felt home is calling me!! After June 30th, I stayed in Pune for another day and got back to Indore, my hometown. 
For a long period of time, I recognized July as the beginning of academic year, smells of crisp paper of new notebooks and text books, new school uniforms and extended assembly instructions in school times. Shilpi who's my almost best friend from school times would have us over for her birthday celebrations every July 4th.   
Year of 2003 was little different though. In June last week when I was still in Pune, I knew my aunt is sick and suffering with hepatitis and it was misdiagnosed. My uncle from Pune also visited her for a day and assured me that she's fine. I learned within 30 mins of homecoming that she has been suffering with breast cancer and it was in its last stages. The incorrect diagnosis part of disease, I am not talking about since its not too rare of a thing to happen. 
I visited hospital and burst out into tears...my aunt who was probably first one to love me most after my parents, was dying, not slowly though. She never had a daughter and she considered me her daughter, she cared for me just like my mother sometimes more than her. Still remember when I had menses for first time she was so concerned and kept instructing my mom over phone, she would call me after my final exams for each subject and make sure that I wrote it well, I am not watching too much of TV, eating well and etc. Little wonder, her only son made it to IIM and now works for a reputable company as (youngest) consulting member on board of directors of company.
So, I was not too enthusiastic to celebrate Shilpi's birthday this year, so she invited me over for a simple lunch and I agreed to that. We had lunch and we chatted for a long time which is usual part of hang outs with her. The worst part of such hang outs was we would spend more time on gate-meetings than inside (only people who know what gate meetings are would know how it works, please excuse me for this one!)
While I was still engrossed into gate-meeting with Shilpi, I got a phone call from hospital and learned that aunt is serious and I rushed to hospital. She died on same night and thereafter July is just Shilpi's Birthday and aunt's death; associated with each other in a sad way. 
Why do I need to write this and share it with all of you? Because they say sharing sorrows divides them......May her soul rest in peace!

Looking Back in 2010

2010 would always remind me lot of good as well as bad things.... my friend graduated, secured a job, moved from Dayton, I came across lot of different faces of people around me and made new friends as well; I got a publication in Developmental Biology,2010 in general would always be remembered as year of recession recession for world economy, the mind blowing storms and the year of Ayodhya verdict..... etc etc etc.......but when I look back, I find that I am nowhere close to goals of my life....goals...which are defined and separated from my career goals by a fine line....I don't know how long more it'll take me to achieve but 2010 has definitely made me realize that I need to get closer and move faster; but is this really the life?

So this post is in continuation with my previous one....each day I struggle to find out something or the other, being a PhD student and I always think, what the hack I am doing here? Is PhD goal of my life? Sometimes answer pops up as yes and sometimes No. Doing a PhD here at University of Dayton is basically an educational requirement and I am just getting well educated/trained by doing a PhD.

I am sure most of you must be thinking how is it related to my previous post at all....

Basically I am getting to a point where am bound to think how culture and education are separated by a fine line from each other; Does everybody need to be well educated to understand the native culture and then follow the other culture? I think No, its a systematized thought process which is required to understand our and other cultures.

How to develop this thought process? By learning new things, exposing ourselves to several aspects, experiences of life; how to get this exposure? Education can definitely be a TOOL for this but not an essential requirement I believe.

Education provides us with the understanding and power to accept the views of other people around us, it gives us understanding and appreciation for accepting good aspects of other cultures and try to ignore shortcomings of our culture.

Comments on this post will be highly appreciated since its not an organized blog,(I am a novice in blog writing); and I believe all of us have our own views on culture/education. This will broaden up the definition and would help to develop the new horizons of thinking about the subject.