I
usually sleep deep at least for 4 long hours through night…I wake up around
3:30-4 AM every morning, depending on how motivated I am feeling, I get up and
study/exercise/meditate or simply fall asleep again and then wake up only past
7 AM. November 29th morning was no different for me, I woke up
around 3:45 and then fell asleep again by 5 AM. My sleep was disrupted at 7:30
AM when my mother called me. She was away at a family wedding and for past two
days I was getting requests to video chat with this relative or that, and hence
I was obviously annoyed by seeing the incoming call. Although in my sleep I
thought maybe she’s going to be starting her travel for home today, so she’s
just informing and it’ll be only a minute-long phone call so I decided to pick
up. The call lasted only 45 seconds when she told me that Atya aaji (my great
aunt from mother’s side) is no more…. I had always heard/read about the feeling
of gasping, being nauseated or/and choking during shocking situations. There it
was for me…….; I had a huge lump in my throat that was ready to come out, but
it did not! I felt I was sinking in some deep dark hole and I have no outlet. I
was/am deeply shattered at many levels as I received this news.
Unconditional
love, support and caring words, are a few basics I’d miss her the most for. I
remember during my childhood days when we (other a few cousins of mine) were
playing, she identified that one of us pocketed a few marbles and gave a nice
piece of her mind to all of us, explaining how being honest in life triumphs
everything else and I have never forgotten it since then.
Aaji
also signified the sole meaning of an entire city to us in those times; as I
heard Bhopal, it always reminded me of her, her home, which had quite a vibe
(yeah, that’s what I’d call it). Aaji’s household had a wholesome character by
itself, a big verandah and garden, which had guava, mango and other trees, and
a terrace with one room kitchen arrangement, which was often frequented by
tenants, who also had really good relationship with the landlady and landlord.
There were little strict rules around the house; being Indore residents, we
were accustomed to use slang while we spoke Hindi, it was a “big no” at aaji’s
house. Since Bhopal used to be center of lots of exams and training center for
my mother’s office work, we frequented going there and majority of times, I’d
silently observe what aai and aaji are doing (they were mostly talking). I
figured, they mostly talked about people and incidences from past.
I
remember getting impressed when I was told that Atya aaji frequented radio
station in her times and has a melodious voice. My best memory of her being a
singer dates back to times when I took music lessons at community center as 8
years old, and once, when I sang an entire SARGAM correctly, the music teacher
patted my back and said “Sunanda chi naat
aahes na, nakkich chhan gaat asnaar” [Of course you sing well, since you
are Sunanda’s (Atya aaji’s name which I got to know first time) granddaughter].
Over the years, Atya aaji had mentioned several times, that I sing well and should
not stop learning. She often mentioned while pursuing this matter that she did
not get enough opportunity to pursue her passion of music, and she regretted
it.
Years
passed and Atya aaji and I started having direct conversations, she would ask
me questions regarding studies, about how my exams went and etc, always in a
concerned but non-judgmental way. Now when I look back, that’s something I want
to do as well, be concerned about someone, and not judge them. I kept in touch
with Atya aaji, after leaving the country as well, and whenever I visited
India, I made a trip to Bhopal to meet her and rest of the family we have in
Bhopal. Atya aaji opened a door of historical events for me, something I knew I’d
neither experience, nor would ever know those events by myself. Atya aaji was pretty
close to her sibling, who was my maternal grandfather. She spoke about him
fondly and would tell me stories about his wedding to my grandmother. Atya aaji
grew up in what my other cousins would term as really ancient times, and she
had an intercaste marriage in those times, so, she has been always a cool one
for many of my cousins. She was friends with some who’s who kind of people from her college days, and therefore
carried pretty interesting stories about them as well. Speaking and chit
chatting to her in my adulthood was therefore so much more interesting (because
I could comprehend so much)!
Atya
aaji was one of the people who acknowledged aging and would repeatedly say
toward the end, I feel tired more often, I don’t feel like eating, I don’t
sleep too much at nights. In the era, when I see myself surrounded by people,
who prefer to not age by hiding these problems, Atya aaji was a constant and refreshing surprise!
Now,
that it has almost been a quarter, she has moved onto a further and hopefully
better journey, I am trying to collect the shattered pieces of that corner of
my heart, tears rolling down my eyes and remembering her laughter…. I sometimes
feel the I’d dial her residential phone line which she’d pick up and I’ll get
to chit chat with her again, laugh a lot, and she’d request me to sing…. Alas!! Someone has said correctly, like sands in an hourglass, we'll measure our lives in memories of you.... Rest in peace aaji, rest in peace...
