Saat chya aat gharaat: (In home by 7 PM)

Came across an interesting news @ BBC: "It took nearly a week of protests for Prime Minister Manmohan Singh to appear on TV pleading for calm and promising to make India safer for women." Really!! hard to believe that we are one of the few countries where women have been in ruling positions. This blog is not for discussing the political aspects of the incident, but the mentality of a common man or in my recent vocab "mango-person". What is cause and effect of such an incident on mango people? What do "we" do when we hear such things happening? So, different groups will show different reactions..1) chchchch!! Delhi has become so unsafe for everyone!; 2) Ruling Political party is not doing anything/ Too much of importance to the issue by opposing party!; 3) These bastards (oops!! sorry!) should be hanged after cutting their private parts out in public; 4) Media is making an unnecessary hoopla out of this whole thing; 5) Lets have a meeting and plan a protest march (Applicable if you "actively"belong to NGO/ political official)....and blahblahblah!! Trust me, over my 2 weeks recent India trip, I have come across all these options at different points of time, in different situations, and have also come across a sixth (largest) category of reaction who read the entire news calmly, sighed, folded the newspapers and move on but they keep thinking about this!!......I am guilty and accept that I belong to this sixth group! But, I have been thinking over this again and again.....and not finding a way out....(but, I am sure that I don't want to be a part of that protest group where I have seen guys whistling over a group of girls wearing low neck shirts (True story)! I don't want to be a part of media either who's overwhelmingly involved in caring about TRPs!) Social networking sites have their own to do business affairs with such incidents.....Anyways! I am not here to criticize what others are doing, but to share my peace of (existing) mind with people reading this blog! I strongly believe that the era never changed for women, be it India or any other country (don't forget the news of a woman getting raped at an airport by a cleaning staff member last year around same time in one of the leading countries); because we (the people) encourage women to participate equally in all parts of life but do not accept them completely! Now, by "accepting" I mean absorbing the fact that someone travelling alone on a bus after restricted hours is a human first and then a female.....and when we can not digest this fact, such incidents happen. We all need to change our gross thinking about someone being a male or a female and consider everyone as a human being to fight equally with bigger challenges of society like illiteracy and unemployment which are widespread in all countries.  If we can not digest this mere fact, we need to get back into ancient Hindu times where everyone (especially women) were forced to be home by 7 PM (or before it gets dark)......Although in modern times, that still doesn't guarantee prohibition of such incidents but it would definitely reduce the frequencies.
So, as usual I didn't think a lot before writing this one but I am sure it conveys the message hidden somewhere that more than tough punishments, entire society needs to think and decide if we are ready to "accept" women in real equal positions (and not equivalent positions) or we all should seriously think about getting back to Saat Chya Aat Gharaat!!
(PS: If you haven't watched this movie Saat Chya Aat Gharat in Marathi, I would highly recommend it). 

Woman as The high schooler's mom= Super Woman

The PG-13 content was being talked aloud in my lab the other day and I just shooed everybody indicating presence of a high school researcher in the room. He was just smiling and suddenly everyone looked at him and I apologized "Sorry!!! we keep forgetting your presence here" he shrugged it off saying ohh!! no worries, don't be sorry I am used to listening to "R" rated stuff in my school corridors....and now it was my turn to get shooed and awed.....I know this kid for a while now...... "Well....times are changing Meghana!!" I said to myself! and as a curious one, I just asked him "Ohh!! So do your parents know about it?" and he was stunned (probably....thinking I would tell his parents); He said "No, they don't, my dad is not too bothered but mom....aaah....yes...and I hope you won't tell her either!!" I assured him I won't.....but everyone's mom has been my center of attraction all the times.....be it my friends/family, I usually have more interactions with friends's moms rather than themselves..... So I asked him about his mom's job, schedule and whereabouts.

He did narrate them to me in a way that I am presenting as it is: " She wakes up at 5:30-6 and then regular house chores, making breakfast, waking up daddy, (with a sheepish smile: I don't know what else since I only wake up at 7), yelling at me to wake up and get ready, collect my homework, and then she drops me at school by 8:15. She comes back, dad has already left, she talks home to her family, makes sure everyone's fine, then she gets ready, goes to her part-time job, come back at 1:30-2; on the way back home, may be some little shopping, checking mails, etc. and then she comes to pick me up at 3. She has to wait in parking lot for close to 45 minutes-an our [and that sometimes annoys her a bit; but (sheepish smile again) I can't help it; I have to say bye-bye to all my friends, exchange gossips, and information on new games, music and sports before I leave for the day!!!(My eyes were widened enough by now)]; on our way back we exchange a little bit of things like how was your day kinds, which is mainly concentrated on my homework submissions, new homework or new activity and etc, its a short drive anyways! I like to eat a different snack each day, so she makes sure its ready by the time I change etc. I interrupted him and asked "then your dad comes from office and he helps you on your homework....right?" "No; he only helps me with physics or rarely with Maths" "Me:Kidding right? meaning your mom keeps track of what homework you have each day"....."Yes!! of course! he said I am not too organized when it comes to deadlines" 

wow!!! I  was in no spirits to hear the schedule after 6 PM....since it was going to make dinner, serve it, clean, dishes, prep for next morning, sit with child until he finishes homework..(sometimes 3 AM I was recently told by one of the moms)..and etc. 

This is the story of any school going kid here, whats so special about high schoolers? They need to prepare for their admissions into colleges/universities, they are supposed to get extra credentials onto their CVs and its obviously their parents's headache....they need to volunteer to hospitals, research labs, shadow doctors, you can easily find a mom around checking out all these things for the kids. 

This is not the end of the  story, moms sometimes get into conflicts with each other because their kids are same age groups and there are few positions into labs/hospitals/communities to volunteer....then that creates differences between society....and its nobody's fault in the end.....(I used to laugh over it until few days ago before I realized its just the fact everyone wants best pick for their kid)....

Now it was my turn to ask moms "why? and what makes you get into such a hectic schedule?" she just answered, "ohh! I just want my child becomes successful person and good human being one day." My sister answered "Who would do all of this if I don't do, your brother-in-law just reaches in time for Parent-Teacher Meeting and keeps murmuring all throughout, its just waste of time" My sister-in-law back in India has same answer "Your brother hardly views his progress reports and just signs them"

"I feel insecure sometimes when I look around highschoolers getting involved into activities they shouldn't, but then I take a deep breath and say to myself: he has my genes, and I have guided and advised him enough, I haven't forced my decisions onto him, he won't do any such things" answered my friend whom I had asked if she feels insecure in terms of involvement of kids into undesired activities!

Do high school daddies do something? I had asked one of them recently he jokingly had said "I am the Man, sperm donor; but later said, Meghana! I don't think I have Earthy patient enough to understand whats going on....forget handling things..... and that's why I keep telling you choose your husband wisely, don't find someone like me" he added with a big grin realizing it was an undesired advise....!!

I have nothing against the kids here nor against their dads (I haven't come across another species of them yet).....but with this blog (nowhere close to TV show high school mom), I want to salute all the moms in the world, and double salute the high school moms.....

We all have heard/watched superman movie/stories how he could do everything together....have we thought about these superwomen around us? Many of us have unsung heros in our lives, my friends who are moms, are close somewhere at top of my list!

India Against Corruption

First of all, please accept my sincere apologies for not being able to type in Hindi on my computer. So, the title is not new for anybody reading this blog, since its a movement these days everyone is joining; everywhere (social networking sites: Especially Facebook and Twitter) I can see at least one feed/hour about this particular topic. Question that came to my mind few days ago was Are we really against corruption? Are we ready to survive in a clean India without corruption? Both the answers that occurred to me were NO...and I thought why? No offense to any religious groups and feelings behind; but in order to uproot corruption, we first need to check on all the temples, mosques, gurudwaras and churches for how much they've been accumulating over years together since they were formed.
What does GOD do of all that money, Jewelry and etc. and where does this money come from? Answer is God is accepting bribe (really?).
Corruption is deeply rooted inside all of us for generations, a rare thing, I haven't observed here in United States as of yet. "God!! please if I get ....% marks, I would offer******* amount...." almost every student can be seen praying and BRIBING god like this over results season; "God! please grant me a grandson, I would offer you 56 bhogs in silver thali" and witnessed by me, this grand ma did keep her promise.....; "Get me out of this situation, I would offer a prasad of INR 5.25"..... and so on........we have dealings with God as if God really wants to have all this and wouldn't grant you what you deserve if you don't strike a deal!! Again, I am not pointing religious issues here, I am pointing out mentality we have grown over so many years. And walking along these roads, huge religious places have gathered tons of money with no taxes to be paid (many of the cases). Most of the places, this money is fathering dust in vaults of temples. Unfortunately, even thieves are scared of stealing God's money.... A rich person in India can offer a diamond crown to God's idol but would refrain spending equivalent amount over education and help of poor and unprivileged children. When Americans or Europeans come to India, they build educational institutes, or channelize money towards education, when we Indians go to America, Europe, we channelize our money towards temples. We think that if God accepts money for favors, than nothing is wrong in doing same thing, and this is how corruption is deeply rooted inside us. So, our religious ethics are corrupted and to add to this, we have transactional religions united in diversified India.....

Going back in ancient and over-glorified history of our Kalayuga, we can read about how bribing was sufficient to see off armies of different kingdoms and fighting was hardly essential to win the battles.
We still do not believe in theory that if each of us behaves morally, we can all rise together. And, we can not behave equally moral because we are not equal, we have a caste system which separates us from other people and hence everyone's ethics differ. More than1000 years ago we all Indians were belonging to same faith, now we are either Hindus, Sikhs, Jains, Buddhists, or what not!! We need to believe in equality, first by ourselves and then by society in order to behave morally. And we shouldn't forget, there is just one moral, to follow the best policy of"honesty". If we are honest to ourselves, we would never have to bribe anyone, including God and  we can rise much higher along the lines of education, civilization and thus enrich ourselves more to prevent our lasting heritage and culture.
On 65th year of independence,this blog is dedicated to incredible India, which has to prove credentials once again to the world, not to become a super power, but to be a peace loving and enriched nation by all means.
~ Peace
(Disclaimer:Author does not intend to point out any specific religion, region while mentioning donating money to temples).

EX

Last Friday I saw an interesting status posted by my youngest male cousin, it said "EX means:- thanks for the EXperience….our time has EXpired…..now EXit my life" there were some 5 likes on it; to everybody's knowledge and concern he wasn't really dating anybody so no one was really bothered to ask him anything....but it really agitated my thoughts......wow!! What a thought.....partly true.....except the last part which would have been really difficult for people in love.....so this post of mine is about relationships!! Since, I have a vast circle of friends and family which is spread worldwide now, I can be little pompous to discuss their EXperiences of EXpired relationships. 
So, when and why two people become Ex for each other in a relationship could be a matter of dispute and there can be several beginnings and reasons behind it which is not focus of this blog. I would rather concentrate on  life stories of respective Exs here in terms of how they handled it and if they were over or not!! Very few cases I saw were nervous break down ones. 
I remember one of my cousin's friends, who was academically bright and  an all rounder, attempted to commit  suicide bunch of times after his break up, who had to be sent to asylum because of neuronal imbalance (huh! thats what they did in India 20 years ago at least!)   and from my high school days I knew a person in neighborhood who committed suicide because of break up and her Ex trashed her....but thats it. Other than these few those can be counted on finger tips of one hand, I have not come across break downs/deaths because of Ex's....but wait!! I have just mentioned one kind of extent yet....and this takes me to "look upto" figures who were trashed by their Ex's and are now living successful lives. We all do realize at one point of time that nobody's life doesn't stop because a person is out of our respective lives. The how does one gets so much importance in life? It comes through feelings of love, trust, affection, sex and blahblahblah.........when one or more things are missing, love vaporizes and people become Ex for each other. Many years ago, I watched a Hindi movie "Taal" which ended up with a punchline from Grand ma of main lead who said "Don't fall, rise in love" and I absolutely loved it. I have known at least fifty people in my life who had their career path well defined, with clearer goals in life after they became "Ex" for someone. Many of them were in the intense relationships, some of them had live-in relationships as well. And, they did undergo a nervous  breakdown after break ups but only to re-connect with life, they did have suicidal thoughts but they realized and learned to live with broken heart!! How they did it and became almost over-achievers in life, is unrealistic and non-important to me as a person. But, how did they lived through being Exs was pretty intriguing. "On Sundays when I have nothing to do I do think about him, how different life would have been if he was with me, and at this moment what he might be doing? His wife might be serving him lunch on Sunday afternoon since that's the only time I  had decided with him to eat lunch together" says my 27 year old friend, (an HR manager at MNC with all possible awards she could get for her work from company, definitely overachiever for her age!!) after being in a relationship for 4 and a half years with her Ex. "I do think about evening coffees with him we used to have together after coming back from work, followed by a TV show, dinner and a walk together.  Now it feels weird to sit around same coffee table and love seat sometimes, when I know he might be doing same thing with his wife, because this was the way he loved to spend evenings" says my 34 years old friend, a "to be" member of board of directors at MNC who had a live-in with her boy friend for 3 good years. The apartment belongs to her and she doesn't want to sale it. "You can think how much work it took me to reach this professional position in fraction of time", she said and smiles to the idea of getting married to someone else. "If it had to work, it would have worked then and this way, I am too busy to think about someone else now!" and here comes the problem, Ex gave EXperience, EXpired relationship and took a physical EXit as well, but didn't make an emotional EXit and left other person with sleepless nights and sobs!!!
I won't talk about rules of relationships since they make relationships mechanical, and less emotional, but there has to be some set norms to prevent EXs undergo emotional trauma at times. There are no rules in relationships, but there have to be some for break ups to have a healthy emotional EXit from both sides....
I know just like my previous other blogs, there is an open ending to this one too, and I could really not think anything else after venting my thoughts on this issue out on everyone like this. I request everybody to suggest something for EXs to get a better personal life which is equivalent to professional one in order to have a good and healthy social structure!
Amen~

Story of a marriage

My mother suggested me to watch a daily soap on one of the Indian regional channels stating "I guess you'd like it"; but as usual I ignored her, thinking she has nothing better to do...and over past four and a half years me staying away from her has taught her not to force me on anything! Anyways.....My other friend who's a research student as well, also suggested me to watch but I had an excuse of being "just too busy for the daily soaps"; although we all know we eventually find time to do and follow things we want in life....a month later, her (patience was incredible), she asked me again, if I started watching that soap......and my answer was NO again. However this time she almost took a promise from me to watch it and I promised her I'll watch  asap!

So here we go, the name of soap is "Eka Lagnachi Doosri Goshta" didn't take me too long to search on youtube, and I saw the ratings are pretty high, lot of online viewers follow it. Anyways! I started watching it. Its actually pretty good.....The story revolved around two middle class families and both families possess an elite bachelor; a male and a female. Common line one might feel! Whats the big deal? Big deal begins when you can actually relate yourself so well to characters....Radha and Ghanashyam (Ghana) are the main characters and story revolves around their families. Both of them feel marriage is waste of energy, money and time; a common thought younger generation possesses along with idea that marriage is abandoning one's freedom. The families of both are pretty interesting and their up-bringing has obviously highly influenced by their family structures. Still, Ghana wants to go to States to pursue his career in IT field and Radha wants to stay with her dad forever through her life time. Since both of them are under peer pressure and have their focused and  well defined goals in lives, they decide to have a contract marriage. The way it has been shown is fun and entertainment. The story is running usual, they got married, avoiding sex as par their contract, trying to pretend to be a good couple and interacting normally with each others family members. The contract marriage concept is relatively newer and different for Marathi families but the family depicted here is an ideal one and a very next door kind-a family. We all viewers know that one day they're going to fall in love, and would stay happily ever after. What makes this story different then? Its the family members; Starting from Mauli (the worker at home who takes care of households), Kuhu (amateur poetess), Gyana (The serious and intelligent one), Ganga, Yami, Supriya Kaku,  Mayee Aaji, andUlka atya are highlights to mention a few, other than Ghanashyam and Radha! I like the serial because it has connected to many people together. While having a conversation with friends, it comes out comfortably ohh congratulations! Kuhu is getting married and etc. The Phrases and styles are incredible. The actors deserve best of everything. 
I do not have an appropriate conclusion about this post yet but I am sure my friends and family who watch this serial would suggest me something.
Peace~

memories in July

Back in 2003, I was half way through my MSc Biochem program and I joined National Institute of Virology, Pune as a summer trainee. My training lasted from May 15- June 30th and as it was approaching finish line, I started feeling very homesick. Although I was enjoying my super comfortable life at my uncle's place in Pune, there was something making me withdraw my attention and I felt home is calling me!! After June 30th, I stayed in Pune for another day and got back to Indore, my hometown. 
For a long period of time, I recognized July as the beginning of academic year, smells of crisp paper of new notebooks and text books, new school uniforms and extended assembly instructions in school times. Shilpi who's my almost best friend from school times would have us over for her birthday celebrations every July 4th.   
Year of 2003 was little different though. In June last week when I was still in Pune, I knew my aunt is sick and suffering with hepatitis and it was misdiagnosed. My uncle from Pune also visited her for a day and assured me that she's fine. I learned within 30 mins of homecoming that she has been suffering with breast cancer and it was in its last stages. The incorrect diagnosis part of disease, I am not talking about since its not too rare of a thing to happen. 
I visited hospital and burst out into tears...my aunt who was probably first one to love me most after my parents, was dying, not slowly though. She never had a daughter and she considered me her daughter, she cared for me just like my mother sometimes more than her. Still remember when I had menses for first time she was so concerned and kept instructing my mom over phone, she would call me after my final exams for each subject and make sure that I wrote it well, I am not watching too much of TV, eating well and etc. Little wonder, her only son made it to IIM and now works for a reputable company as (youngest) consulting member on board of directors of company.
So, I was not too enthusiastic to celebrate Shilpi's birthday this year, so she invited me over for a simple lunch and I agreed to that. We had lunch and we chatted for a long time which is usual part of hang outs with her. The worst part of such hang outs was we would spend more time on gate-meetings than inside (only people who know what gate meetings are would know how it works, please excuse me for this one!)
While I was still engrossed into gate-meeting with Shilpi, I got a phone call from hospital and learned that aunt is serious and I rushed to hospital. She died on same night and thereafter July is just Shilpi's Birthday and aunt's death; associated with each other in a sad way. 
Why do I need to write this and share it with all of you? Because they say sharing sorrows divides them......May her soul rest in peace!