Normal Life?

"You never went out of my life; you never would....you were the one who made me feel I am different; I am girl/female/woman..... this is what I think when I think about him. He who tempered with my teenage emotions, my body and now I realize my soul too!!" Not a line from a romantic novel or drama or movie; this was said by a girl who was sexually harassed as a child on a TV series that highlights crimes in general. Apparently the criminal was a close family relative of the girl. Reminds me of Monsoon wedding where in the end Shefali took a step forward to reveal the sick mentality of the "uncle"; reminds me of myself; reminds me of my closest friends who have gone through the same. The blog is not about how to stop it, because; lets face the reality; such sick people are everywhere and cannot be salvaged from society. However, over the years of careful observations and the experiences shared by different people compelled me to
The blog is about what the people who get harassed went through; the mental state now and then. Now, I don't know how true is that but there comes a time point in life when you kind of go down the memory lane and try to think "what if this didn't happen?" And over a coffee and conversation, as a woman in her late thirties, a friend of mine shared a statement about how life would have been much more different if "that uncle" didn't happen; I'd have had more faith in myself; I'd have probably enjoyed the first kiss of my life than getting stressed over it; I'd have not seen all my prospective dates as jerks just wanting one thing from me (they actually didn't); I would have loved my husband more care-freely; I'd have been raising my daughter differently; Ever since that uncle happened; I couldn't even trust my own brother or father or closest cousins! When my son goes near my daughter I am little scared and stressed and I feel so guilty about this that I hate myself!
Real world problems with such situations are "The counselling doesn't help such situations; the professionals sometimes press wrong buttons to make you speak and you go into deeper mental trauma than recovering from it." as mentioned by a friend who took professional help in order to "lead a normal life"
So the question is for all the readers...can such people have a normal life after going through what all they have gone through??

Ghar ki Baat

!All the incidents of the post are real; I have just tried to put them together in a chronological order!

It was more than two weeks when Rohit committed suicide; Rohit, a PhD student at Hyderabad University committed suicide which has a long story which has some political facets to itself and I tried to stay away from all of it. However, it was brought back to my attention by someone on a laid back Saturday afternoon when we were just getting some spill over work done "I was listening to NPR and they were telling that you guys in India still exploit and beat the untouchables; is this true?" I was certainly taken aback and it took me a minute to think who are these untouchables my friend was talking about! Social media has been disappointing lately about all such things and this was no exception; I thought but still my eyes were blank; she mentioned "a guy committed suicide because he was ill-treated in college for being untouchable" "ohh yes! I also watched something like that through FB" another colleague said. Now I had two pairs of eyes sticking on me as my expression was transitioning from blank to understand if they were talking about Rohit! I was thinking how should I explain caste system, harijans and dalits to these people now!  However guess, I had a fifteen minutes session and it was over. (Needless to say how much I loathe NPR that day!)

The questions aren't always this serious and intimidating mostly they are query driven and hilarious for me and so far I have done great to manage such situations without looking down! But this one was something way too different than "survival into arranged marriages", "wearing bindis/dots/forehead tattoos", "having extravagant weddings" "cows on roads" "health insurance" and other related socioeconomical issues... So, I took a deep breath and thought for a minute, the "best way to explain caste system" I explained them the origin of caste system and mentioned that it has been vanished years ago, however the people from lower caste or the unprivileged ones still get advantage of their castes by claiming the "minority quota"  I had to tell them (rough numbers) statistics of reserved quota v/s general category and I could see wide open eyes and mouth;

Now, aim of writing this blog is not as much what I had to brainstorm impromptu to save the Indian ass (I felt accomplished though); it was the after thoughts that came to my mind; WHY does Indian media is so outrageously open to spread the story of our own country around? WHY can't we keep something like that within our home (country)?  And Rohit was just another thing that had occurred actually; Nirbhaya story as well had troubled NRIs; so many people asked me about the psyche of Indian men after watching that news and later the documentary! I am not pro rapists or pro caste system or anti-reservation; but it would have been good if ghar ki baat ghar me reh jaati!

Nirbhaya

So much has already written and said about her; starting from a sketchy daily news column to BBC now!! I still find myself sort of uncontrollable on the topic. My thoughts are scattered all over the place; I feel like someone (not excluding myself; something they showed in movie Indian or Wednesday where a common man decides to punish corrupted officers or terrorists) should just go and perform a castration on all rape suspects in jail immediately; or sometimes I just get depressed and feel nothing in agony. Each time I discuss the incidence of December, 2012 with anyone, I reach no conclusion and now after release of India's Daughter; I have accepted the fact, (with not a pinch, but a spoon of salt) that, in India if I want to stay safe, I dare not be "doing things" which might "provoke" "sane people" to "do me".  I used to be a dare-devil and less scared; more of a feminist and liberal; with a mentality of "tit for tat" in my college days which was only 12-15 years ago from now. And with my country's growing economy, well spread awareness, globalization, Westernization growing literacy and health consciousness rate, I have lost confidence to roam around safely in my very own city on well known streets where I grew up playing! The only question comes to mind is who's at fault? Government? Yes because system is designed for giving lots of "benefits of doubt" to suspects and plus system has its own flaws like everywhere and every time!! However if we look at the basis of problem; it is the mentality of not being scared of consequences and losing control over your senses! 

Independence Day

And its here again!!!  I thought in my head as I received a text message from one of my juniors in Dayton with a picture of Indian National flag wishing me "Happy Independence day" which turned out to be a precursor to several other similar texts I received later at Indian midnight time. I remembered the famous phrase "time and tides wait for none" while watching tides on a sunny day at a beach in Massachusetts, and revisited the proud moment of hoisting the Indian National flag with my other friend last year (being senior student of the community). With my eyes closed, I took a long walk down the memory lane....... Independence day.....  I was born and raised in a Hindu family and my dad's side of family was highly influenced by RSS so I was admitted to a school which governed by RSS. The strict rules of school didn't let me learn any Movie songs unless they were patriotic ones. If my parents turned radio on and sang along, I would shut their mouth with my little palm saying "those are bad songs, you should only listen to news and the patriotic songs" (Not to mention, when I see Kinder Garten kids dancing on Munni/Sheila and Fevicol; I don't appreciate it a whole lot and I feel the tremendous changes in the time, generation and thought processes in education system). So, until third grade I studied in that school where my roots were actually made fastidious for patriotism. The only minus of the school was Hindusim was taught to the core which was good and bad from different perspectives. Anyways! my schooling is not the focus of this blog, I wanted all of us to visit our memories and FEEL and virtually REVISIT the independence day again in older times. Since now a days in India also its not more than a holiday and people look forward to it as a holiday but not "celebrate" it. Yeah so let us go back and feel the chaos and fuss we used to make when our white uniforms weren't whitest and toughest if not starched and ironed well, black shoes weren't polished a day or two in advance! I can totally visualize the thrill of parade at school, still hear the three beats of drums, salutes and attention (by so called head boy of school). I remember the Anthem where we sung Victories from all different directions; I remember the national song where we sung glories to India as the whole. The only boring part to the whole program was speech by the chief guest since it was all same except "nth" number of years to Indian independence .....but, all of this from 7 AM until 1 PM. Followed by lunch served at school, not to forget that special packet containing two motichoor laddoos and bye bye!! Since until much later after my high school graduation, we didn't have luxury of satellite TV channels, me n entire family was found watching oldest patriotic Hindi movie broadcast on Doordarshan; DD metro also came much later. School days were soon over and in college, I used to crave to attend the 15th August programs.                                                            For a few years until we knew the teachers and management in school, we continued visiting but in few years I understood we were unwanted there, so stopped going. Last year on my constant pestering, president of Indian Students Association at my university agreed to hoist the flag and I am so much thankful to him for helping me revive my memories. I won't discuss what they do in India these days for Independence day since that is so painful to hear, watch and discuss for those who belong to my era.
                        I know most of my friends have growing kids and I want to request them, to sit, explain and re-live those moments with kids on Independence day, August 15th. The day which still makes me smile, tells me, "realize who you are, and be responsible everywhere you go", since when you do anything people don't see you as you, they see you as a citizen of India, which is far more deeper than spicy Indian curries, snake charming, Basmati rice and hot yoga! And with all of this I come to an open ended question, are we doing justice with our freedom? Are we really independent? Having witnessed the madness for McDonalds, craziness for American Corn,  and growing awareness about brand names among youngest members of my own family, a negative answer comes to my mind.  I know not being in India doesn't allow me to ask this question or even comment anything ; However I know for sure, those living there, aren't doing anything about it! I wish all of us Happy Independence Day! ~Peace

Saat chya aat gharaat: (In home by 7 PM)

Came across an interesting news @ BBC: "It took nearly a week of protests for Prime Minister Manmohan Singh to appear on TV pleading for calm and promising to make India safer for women." Really!! hard to believe that we are one of the few countries where women have been in ruling positions. This blog is not for discussing the political aspects of the incident, but the mentality of a common man or in my recent vocab "mango-person". What is cause and effect of such an incident on mango people? What do "we" do when we hear such things happening? So, different groups will show different reactions..1) chchchch!! Delhi has become so unsafe for everyone!; 2) Ruling Political party is not doing anything/ Too much of importance to the issue by opposing party!; 3) These bastards (oops!! sorry!) should be hanged after cutting their private parts out in public; 4) Media is making an unnecessary hoopla out of this whole thing; 5) Lets have a meeting and plan a protest march (Applicable if you "actively"belong to NGO/ political official)....and blahblahblah!! Trust me, over my 2 weeks recent India trip, I have come across all these options at different points of time, in different situations, and have also come across a sixth (largest) category of reaction who read the entire news calmly, sighed, folded the newspapers and move on but they keep thinking about this!!......I am guilty and accept that I belong to this sixth group! But, I have been thinking over this again and again.....and not finding a way out....(but, I am sure that I don't want to be a part of that protest group where I have seen guys whistling over a group of girls wearing low neck shirts (True story)! I don't want to be a part of media either who's overwhelmingly involved in caring about TRPs!) Social networking sites have their own to do business affairs with such incidents.....Anyways! I am not here to criticize what others are doing, but to share my peace of (existing) mind with people reading this blog! I strongly believe that the era never changed for women, be it India or any other country (don't forget the news of a woman getting raped at an airport by a cleaning staff member last year around same time in one of the leading countries); because we (the people) encourage women to participate equally in all parts of life but do not accept them completely! Now, by "accepting" I mean absorbing the fact that someone travelling alone on a bus after restricted hours is a human first and then a female.....and when we can not digest this fact, such incidents happen. We all need to change our gross thinking about someone being a male or a female and consider everyone as a human being to fight equally with bigger challenges of society like illiteracy and unemployment which are widespread in all countries.  If we can not digest this mere fact, we need to get back into ancient Hindu times where everyone (especially women) were forced to be home by 7 PM (or before it gets dark)......Although in modern times, that still doesn't guarantee prohibition of such incidents but it would definitely reduce the frequencies.
So, as usual I didn't think a lot before writing this one but I am sure it conveys the message hidden somewhere that more than tough punishments, entire society needs to think and decide if we are ready to "accept" women in real equal positions (and not equivalent positions) or we all should seriously think about getting back to Saat Chya Aat Gharaat!!
(PS: If you haven't watched this movie Saat Chya Aat Gharat in Marathi, I would highly recommend it). 

Woman as The high schooler's mom= Super Woman

The PG-13 content was being talked aloud in my lab the other day and I just shooed everybody indicating presence of a high school researcher in the room. He was just smiling and suddenly everyone looked at him and I apologized "Sorry!!! we keep forgetting your presence here" he shrugged it off saying ohh!! no worries, don't be sorry I am used to listening to "R" rated stuff in my school corridors....and now it was my turn to get shooed and awed.....I know this kid for a while now...... "Well....times are changing Meghana!!" I said to myself! and as a curious one, I just asked him "Ohh!! So do your parents know about it?" and he was stunned (probably....thinking I would tell his parents); He said "No, they don't, my dad is not too bothered but mom....aaah....yes...and I hope you won't tell her either!!" I assured him I won't.....but everyone's mom has been my center of attraction all the times.....be it my friends/family, I usually have more interactions with friends's moms rather than themselves..... So I asked him about his mom's job, schedule and whereabouts.

He did narrate them to me in a way that I am presenting as it is: " She wakes up at 5:30-6 and then regular house chores, making breakfast, waking up daddy, (with a sheepish smile: I don't know what else since I only wake up at 7), yelling at me to wake up and get ready, collect my homework, and then she drops me at school by 8:15. She comes back, dad has already left, she talks home to her family, makes sure everyone's fine, then she gets ready, goes to her part-time job, come back at 1:30-2; on the way back home, may be some little shopping, checking mails, etc. and then she comes to pick me up at 3. She has to wait in parking lot for close to 45 minutes-an our [and that sometimes annoys her a bit; but (sheepish smile again) I can't help it; I have to say bye-bye to all my friends, exchange gossips, and information on new games, music and sports before I leave for the day!!!(My eyes were widened enough by now)]; on our way back we exchange a little bit of things like how was your day kinds, which is mainly concentrated on my homework submissions, new homework or new activity and etc, its a short drive anyways! I like to eat a different snack each day, so she makes sure its ready by the time I change etc. I interrupted him and asked "then your dad comes from office and he helps you on your homework....right?" "No; he only helps me with physics or rarely with Maths" "Me:Kidding right? meaning your mom keeps track of what homework you have each day"....."Yes!! of course! he said I am not too organized when it comes to deadlines" 

wow!!! I  was in no spirits to hear the schedule after 6 PM....since it was going to make dinner, serve it, clean, dishes, prep for next morning, sit with child until he finishes homework..(sometimes 3 AM I was recently told by one of the moms)..and etc. 

This is the story of any school going kid here, whats so special about high schoolers? They need to prepare for their admissions into colleges/universities, they are supposed to get extra credentials onto their CVs and its obviously their parents's headache....they need to volunteer to hospitals, research labs, shadow doctors, you can easily find a mom around checking out all these things for the kids. 

This is not the end of the  story, moms sometimes get into conflicts with each other because their kids are same age groups and there are few positions into labs/hospitals/communities to volunteer....then that creates differences between society....and its nobody's fault in the end.....(I used to laugh over it until few days ago before I realized its just the fact everyone wants best pick for their kid)....

Now it was my turn to ask moms "why? and what makes you get into such a hectic schedule?" she just answered, "ohh! I just want my child becomes successful person and good human being one day." My sister answered "Who would do all of this if I don't do, your brother-in-law just reaches in time for Parent-Teacher Meeting and keeps murmuring all throughout, its just waste of time" My sister-in-law back in India has same answer "Your brother hardly views his progress reports and just signs them"

"I feel insecure sometimes when I look around highschoolers getting involved into activities they shouldn't, but then I take a deep breath and say to myself: he has my genes, and I have guided and advised him enough, I haven't forced my decisions onto him, he won't do any such things" answered my friend whom I had asked if she feels insecure in terms of involvement of kids into undesired activities!

Do high school daddies do something? I had asked one of them recently he jokingly had said "I am the Man, sperm donor; but later said, Meghana! I don't think I have Earthy patient enough to understand whats going on....forget handling things..... and that's why I keep telling you choose your husband wisely, don't find someone like me" he added with a big grin realizing it was an undesired advise....!!

I have nothing against the kids here nor against their dads (I haven't come across another species of them yet).....but with this blog (nowhere close to TV show high school mom), I want to salute all the moms in the world, and double salute the high school moms.....

We all have heard/watched superman movie/stories how he could do everything together....have we thought about these superwomen around us? Many of us have unsung heros in our lives, my friends who are moms, are close somewhere at top of my list!

India Against Corruption

First of all, please accept my sincere apologies for not being able to type in Hindi on my computer. So, the title is not new for anybody reading this blog, since its a movement these days everyone is joining; everywhere (social networking sites: Especially Facebook and Twitter) I can see at least one feed/hour about this particular topic. Question that came to my mind few days ago was Are we really against corruption? Are we ready to survive in a clean India without corruption? Both the answers that occurred to me were NO...and I thought why? No offense to any religious groups and feelings behind; but in order to uproot corruption, we first need to check on all the temples, mosques, gurudwaras and churches for how much they've been accumulating over years together since they were formed.
What does GOD do of all that money, Jewelry and etc. and where does this money come from? Answer is God is accepting bribe (really?).
Corruption is deeply rooted inside all of us for generations, a rare thing, I haven't observed here in United States as of yet. "God!! please if I get ....% marks, I would offer******* amount...." almost every student can be seen praying and BRIBING god like this over results season; "God! please grant me a grandson, I would offer you 56 bhogs in silver thali" and witnessed by me, this grand ma did keep her promise.....; "Get me out of this situation, I would offer a prasad of INR 5.25"..... and so on........we have dealings with God as if God really wants to have all this and wouldn't grant you what you deserve if you don't strike a deal!! Again, I am not pointing religious issues here, I am pointing out mentality we have grown over so many years. And walking along these roads, huge religious places have gathered tons of money with no taxes to be paid (many of the cases). Most of the places, this money is fathering dust in vaults of temples. Unfortunately, even thieves are scared of stealing God's money.... A rich person in India can offer a diamond crown to God's idol but would refrain spending equivalent amount over education and help of poor and unprivileged children. When Americans or Europeans come to India, they build educational institutes, or channelize money towards education, when we Indians go to America, Europe, we channelize our money towards temples. We think that if God accepts money for favors, than nothing is wrong in doing same thing, and this is how corruption is deeply rooted inside us. So, our religious ethics are corrupted and to add to this, we have transactional religions united in diversified India.....

Going back in ancient and over-glorified history of our Kalayuga, we can read about how bribing was sufficient to see off armies of different kingdoms and fighting was hardly essential to win the battles.
We still do not believe in theory that if each of us behaves morally, we can all rise together. And, we can not behave equally moral because we are not equal, we have a caste system which separates us from other people and hence everyone's ethics differ. More than1000 years ago we all Indians were belonging to same faith, now we are either Hindus, Sikhs, Jains, Buddhists, or what not!! We need to believe in equality, first by ourselves and then by society in order to behave morally. And we shouldn't forget, there is just one moral, to follow the best policy of"honesty". If we are honest to ourselves, we would never have to bribe anyone, including God and  we can rise much higher along the lines of education, civilization and thus enrich ourselves more to prevent our lasting heritage and culture.
On 65th year of independence,this blog is dedicated to incredible India, which has to prove credentials once again to the world, not to become a super power, but to be a peace loving and enriched nation by all means.
~ Peace
(Disclaimer:Author does not intend to point out any specific religion, region while mentioning donating money to temples).